©1999
UNTITLED – Part III
I wander….
…..the streets. They don’t change. Sure, time dulls the hard edges, then the people evolve to create more, rougher.
….my mind. It is always changing, growing, reflecting.
I should have realized.
I was young then, so very young. In both life and unlife. I sometimes worry myself over it, though there’s nothing to be done now. Possibly nothing I could have done then, though I did try. And I did accomplish what I thought was my aim then. I couldn’t see all the repercussions, didn’t even think to care. I was so young. I should have been destroyed; it came down to dumb luck….if luck there really is.
I had a fiancée, that was established in an earlier missive. Yes, had. I didn’t realize that when one is turned, they become completely nonexistent to the world. The way this happens is that the clan wipes all memory of the fledgling from the memory of all those who knew him or her, by removing them. This is not always necessarily the case. When newly reborn, I was told I must not let myself be known to those I’d known before. Relocation was not an option for me, and I thought I was convincing enough.
I thought I concealed the visits, I was not seen, stealth was the purpose. I was playing guardian angel, and playing it well, I might add.
My mistress, the one who brought me over, was suspicious of my actions. She demanded total attention.
She was like that.
I assume jealousy caught fire inside her.
“My kind.”
My fiancée was no longer “my kind.” This was a very volatile topic in my mistress’ eyes, apparently. I was still so very deep in the emotions of my change, still holding on to what was still human in me. I did not want to let go…she was my fiancée, after all. There was a reason for that. (I’ll reflect on that later. One day, you’ll have my entire story.)
My mistress could not handle another in my life. She was to be the center of my world. She had chosen me; through her many years, I was the only one she turned. The only one she ever would, by her words, and by what happened later. I still believe she brought it upon herself. It just so happened it was by my hand, so to speak.
Demanding she was, so demanding. Literally a bitch from hell, if we be truly damned.
She wondered about my wanderings.
One evening, she determined to follow, without my knowledge of course. And follow she did.
I was so young, these powers I now have were not developed then. I had no idea; I was still a child.
I went to the domicile of my fiancée, as I did almost nightly, to see that she was living well. She had progressed so much since my unfortunate “demise.” Her life was wonderful by then, outside as well as inside. I was proud. Her depression had passed, her life continued, she was seeing a wonderful man. He was really good for her; they were good for each other. He may have proven himself better for her than I would have been…I think he would have been. I had no problem with this. I was very happy for them both. I was no longer of their world, who was I to have any ill feelings toward human activities? No longer human, it was no longer my concern. I was very happy for them both.
My mistress had had it with my concern for another.
Wha'cha think?